I only booked a few figures to fly
all the way to West Virginia with me
including Mankind and the Undertaker
who are meeting in my show’s main event:
a hardcore bout for the championship belt
and because this match involves Missus
Foley’s Baby Boy, it involves big bumps.
I must innovate the match’s production because
the ring and announce table are still at home
so after back-and-forth brawling, we prepare
high spots on a sheet of Don’t Break the Ice.
The wrestlers exchange punches while balancing
on blocks, then the Undertaker gains an advantage
and lifts his opponent by the throat. I grunt
to myself as Mankind crashes to the carpet below.
The Undertaker lifts his opponent’s leg: ONE, TWO
Bygawd! I break into Jim Ross’s beguiled stutter
after Mankind kicks out. The Undertaker is as shocked
as me when I saw Daddy’s haircut behind Plexiglas.
Angrily, the Undertaker hoists his foe and slams
him through the remaining ice blocks. But just like
King of the Ring 1998, Mankind won’t stay down.
How much more can Mankind take? I squawk again
in Jim Ross’s twang, gripping my figures’ waists
with sweaty palms. From the kitchen, I hear Mamaw
humming along to Brother Higginbotham’s radio gospel
and smell buttery cornbread, fresh from the oven. I know
it’s time to bring this match home. The Undertaker flips
Mankind for a final tombstone and a hook of the leg. It’s
now a full count. My gawd, the carnage! My Jim Ross
impersonation signs off what has been a stellar show. I
clean up the ice blocks, the weapons, the wrestlers. Daddy’s
bedroom has been a solid venue. We’ll book here again.
I shuffle across the living room, meet Mamaw in the kitchen, and we
enjoy piping-hot bowls of soup beans and slices of sweet cornbread.
Skyler Lambert (he/him), a writer and an editor, has been a pro wrestling fan since childhood. His forthcoming poetry chapbook, Testimonies, foregrounds two murders that occurred on the same mountain in West Virginia. Skyler’s work also appears in riverSedge, Appalachian Journal, The Fourth River, Appalachia Bare, Mantis, and elsewhere. He lives in western Massachusetts with his partner and three (very spoiled) pets.
